Did you win the $37 million?

Are you the lucky person that will be collecting $37 million from the lottery corporation office this week.

Over ten years ago I made the pack with myself that I would not buy lottery tickets unless the pot was over $10 Million. I was at a low point in my life. The kind where a wack of money would make everything better so I had gotten into the habit of buying lottery tickets every week. It wasn't like the $10 bucks was going to make or break my life and I rationalised that the entertainment value of "What would I buy first?" was worth it. My problem started when it became PLAN B. I stopped looking at what my real issues were and postponed actions and decisions time and time again on the possibility that this week might be the big one. So I made the rule.

I've been pretty good at avoiding that trap ever since. But the past couple of weeks I've noticed these large pots of 6-49 up for grabs and see how easy it is to slip into old habits.

It starts quite subtly. Life has been a challenge lately. The daily grind seems to be on a coarser setting. The family is going in six different directions but everyone still presumes groceries will be in the house, supper on the table and socks and underwear in the dresser. Wouldn't it be great if we could hire a housekeeper just to take care of all that? See we wouldn't need to win a lot. Just enough to get rid of the jobs no one wants to do.

Then my thoughts begin to grow. If we won we could afford to send my teenagers off on some educational third world projects, my daughter to NYU film school. Make a bigger room for my youngest son (his is 7 x 10). I could help some kids in my neighbourhood with scholarships.

See I'm not asking for a Mercedes or anything. But despite my altruistic thoughts greed does eventually roll in and I'm thinking of makeovers for myself and daughter...in NYC. And we could buy that gorgeous piece of property we saw outside of Picton. Build a nice little hide-a-way for Tam and I where the kids could visit and ride out in the bush. It would be off the power grid and environmental neutral of course.

And start a charitable foundation with the rest. Start booster math programs for kids falling behind. Help refugees start again in Canada. Help build schools in Afghanistan. Feed and treat the malnourished in Africa. We would be great human beings.

But alas our numbers did not come up. We didn't even win a free ticket. And I look back at the disaster of the last couple of weeks and see how I've let so much slide again. I've been in my own little imaginary world.

As I sort through my pile of Mountwashmore, wondering if anyone missed me, I vow not to buy any more lottery tickets unless the lottery is over $20 million. Give me some breathing space. Get back on track.

Then my buddy calls. The lottery's $40 million. [sigh] I might be adrift for a while yet.